The art of the letter may be dead, but any college student will assure you that the art of the e-mail is alive and well. For college students, the importance of e-mail extends beyond its ability to request eleventh-hour paper extensions from professors or send quick notes to friends. E-mail has changed the way we look at romantic relationships. For better or for worse, “will he call” has turned into “will he e-mail?” and the old-fashioned request for someone’s phone number has likely transformed into a request for an e-mail address. “Is that @aol.com?” has become a familiar refrain at pickup scenes.

College romantic relationships and e-mailing are inextricable intertwined. E-mail offers convenience, informality, and a medium to test gingerly the potential interest of that special someone. The cute guy in finance class is accessible … via e-mail. Dash off a few carefully crafted lines with just the right proportions of warm wit and casual coolness, run to class, and wait to gauge the response. Will he respond? He does. Now the message must be interpreted. A reply must be fashioned. The pattern continues. Perhaps a relationship blossoms, or maybe a fling ensues, or a brush-off two-line reply will end the affair. But no matter what the outcome, at every turn—from initial dainty steps into flirtation, to joined-at-the-hip relationships—e-mail adds a new dimension to the dance of romance.

Let’s examine “e-mail as enabler” as it relates to flings, budding romances, long-term relationships. Sit down, cozy up with a cup of tea, and prepare to recognize and analyze the quirky ways that technology has influenced each of our love lives!

The Fling

Looking for a safe flirtation? Oh the joys of e-mail! From behind the flicker of the computer screen and with the confidence of a 3 a.m. caffeine or alcohol infusion, a degree of boldness can develop when addressing the object of romantic interest. Take my friend Alice* whose bold two-line message to a future boyfriend has become the stuff of Dartmouth legend. “I’m bored. Wanna hook up?” Would Alice have said such a brazen thing while in the physical presence of her future beau? Most likely not. However, e-mail emboldens. Alice’s gumption reaped success: thanks to the face-saving technique called e-mail, she could “joke” about her true intention. If he had responded negatively she could have played the message as a joke—but given his enthusiastic agreement, she was able to proceed with her plans.

However, e-mail has its darker side. The morning after meeting someone at a party, a newly infatuated college student can crouch in front of the computer, agonized by an empty in-box. Similarly, many a student has found fingers paralyzed over the keyboard while trying to remember an e-mail address mumbled in haste and haze from that previous night’s fling.

E-mail can enable bold flirtation, but it can also prompt heart palpitations from anxiety. What about the next stage, a budding romance? More excitement and more anxiety await.